My World

I wrote this in 2002 during another one of my pondering moments on the meaning of life; the sense of something much greater than myself out there in the dark depths of space governed by laws of relativity; the feeling that we were placed here by a higher authority and should be complacent with our surroundings and what we've been given. That was my view (and sometimes still is) of Life and Divinity paired with stars, deep space and the couriosity thereof. Of all the aforemetioned- this little story was conceived.

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MyWorld-

Oh, here she comes again. Sun-up? I suppose so. Earthquake. Oh my. Shake-shake-shake. Here we go again- Snowfall. The snow is falling once again as I remain here; as I have always been; as I always will be. The snow is nice as the chunks come down gracefully. To my right- my house; to my left- my green tree. This is my serenity. This is my sanctuary. This is my shrine. This is sometimes my bugbear. This is my world. The snowfall is coming to its end.


“Must keep shoveling,” I tell myself.

I would like to yell, but I can’t. Oh, why can’t I just yell out once? Please?

The weather is nice. I think it’s cold. I really don’t know. I really can’t tell. But from what I view, the weather is nice.

“Hey snowman! How are you today?”

Is it today? What day is it anyway? So hard to tell with the inconsistent patterns of sunlight.

The sky is clear and the ground is hard.

Sunset? It must be.

Lights out!

Once again, it is dark. I long for slumber, but this catatonic stupor has me feeling a bit stiff.

“Must keep shoveling.”

This dark state surrounding me has me thinking a bit pensively. I hate having too much time to think. I shouldn’t be thinking. I should keep shoveling. I wonder what the weather’s like outside? It’s so hard to tell from in here. Is it really possible to live in this H2O inundated milieu? No, wait. This is life. It has to be life. Will it snow again? Why can’t things just be consistent? I think I’m happy. But I’m not too sure.

“Hey snowman! Are you happy? Will you come help me shovel some snow?”

I want to see the inside of my house. The lights seem to be on, but I don’t remember leaving them on. I don’t remember even being in there to leave the lights on.

“Hello! Is someone in my house?”

Is there a thief in my house? Is there a vagabond? A vagrant in my house stealing my food or my belongings? Wait, what belongings do I have in there?

“Snowman? Do you know if I have any belongings in my house? Do you know if I have any food? How long have I been out here shoveling snow?”

He just looks at me. Why won’t he answer me? I think I’m beginning to feel cold now. I must smile. Life is good. I have much to be grateful for. I must be happy. I have so much to be grateful for.

There must be more out there. Where is it all?

“Hello?”

No answer. I don’t like it here. I don’t like it here at all. The tree seems to be happy. How can a tree be so green in the height of winter? Where’s the wind. So green.

“Snowman. Who made you? Did I make you? Did I make you before I started shoveling snow?”

He just looks at me and doesn’t answer. Now I’m sad. I’m so sad.

“Must keep shoveling.”

I work for no man. Or do I? I want to move. I want to move so badly. Why can’t I move? Why oh why can I not move? I must keep smiling and shoveling my snow. I always smile. I was made to smile. I must keep smiling and continue to shovel my snow. The snow never ends here. Everyone knows the snow always continues. The snow is the most consistent thing around these parts. I want to see what’s on the outside.

“I don’t suppose you would know what’s on the outside, would you, tree?”

No, I didn’t think so. Life is rapture- pure ebullient rapture. I know life is good. It has to be good. That’s the only way life can be.

Sun-up? Lights on!

“Must keep shoveling!”

Usually when the sun comes up, it snows. I haven’t shoveled enough! Please! No snow yet! I’ll work faster! I promise! Please, just let me catch up! Please! I will double my efforts. Oh no….here comes the large cloud again. Ok, brace yourselves tree and snowman!

“Hold tight tree! Hold tight snowman! It’s going to snow again!”

It always quakes before it snows. Oh, how I hate it when the earth shakes and quakes. Why must there be pain and discomfort before the joy and happiness? Oh, why-why-why-why?

Here it comes! Earthquake! Shake-shake-shake-shake!!

This is harsh! No more shake, please! I will shovel faster. Stop! I must keep smiling. I’m happy. I know I’m happy. I have so much to be happy about. Life is good- even when the earth shakes and I’m not so happy. I must be happy. I know I must. No, I don’t know why. But I will keep smiling.

Thank god- The earthquake has stopped. Once again, here comes the snow. Ah. So lovely. I love it when it snows.

“Must shovel faster!”

I can’t let the snow pile up. I will beat it this time.

There must be more to this. There must be more outside. This can’t be all to this world. I should be happy in my world, right? Right?! Then I will be shoveling more, faster and I will be happy. I always smile. I will always smile. Because I am happy. I think. I would really like to go inside my house now and rest.

“Must keep shoveling….faster.”

I will be ready for the next earthquake. The ground is so hard. I will smile; I will work harder; I will be happy; I will keep shoveling my snow. One day, I will see the inside of my home.

Sunset?

The light is gone again. My sky is so clear. All is quiet in my world. I am alone in my world. But I will be happy. I cannot complain; I will not complain. I have my friend the snowman and I have a very lovely house and I have a very nice green tree. Life is good in my world.

Life is very good in my world……I think. Sigh.

“Must keep shoveling……………………………………………………………………”

And somewhere in the near distant universe, a mother tucks her five year old daughter into bed and kisses her good night. As the mother embraces her, she whispers to the little girl,

“Merry Christmas honey.”

She responds,

“I love you mommy. And mommy, thank you so very much for the little toy you gave me. I love the little boy and the snowman. And the little boy always smiles when it snows. I love it. It makes so very happy.”

She smiles. Mommy smiles as she kisses the little girl’s red-colored nose. And of to the left, a long universe away on a little play-desk rests a snow-globe. And from that little snow-globe you can hear the tiny words of a tiny life resonating……

“Must keep shoveling. Must be happy. The sun will soon rise. Must work faster. I am happy. This is my world. I am happy…….I am happy………am I happy?